"Legends of Awesomeness" by Matt Antonellis The release number is 3. Release along with an interpreter. [Release along with cover art.] Release along with a website. Release along with the source text. The story description is "You are Dude McAwesome, on an epic quest of awesome proportions, to become the most awesome bro in the history of ever."; Part 1 - The Stuff of Awesome When play begins: say " You are Dude McAwesomebro.[line break] You're on a quest to be the most awesome bro in the history of forever. To accomplish this, you'll first need to get your meaty hands on the Helmet of Awesome +5. There's a rumor that it's been seen somewhere in a dungeon near Rad Town.[line break] You set out for Rad Town, and after a day's journey you arrive in the city." Chapter 1 - Rooms Rad Town is a room. "You're in the center of Rad Town, bro. There isn't a Jamba Juice here, is there? Whatevs, anyway, there's a bunch of dinky-looking houses here, but no one on the street. Strange. Looks like there's a church or something to the west, a forest to the north, some kind of smithery to the east, and an inn to the south." The Forest of Awesome is a room. "Awesome forest, broham. There's a bunch of gnarly trees here as far as you can see. There's a path to the east running alongside a stream, and a path north, leading to a mountainous area, and looks like there's actually some sort of stone road leading west." The Forest of Awesome is north of Rad Town. Mount Badass is a room. "You're at the base of a seriuosly badass mountain, yo. It's all craggy and cavernous. There's even some crazy lava steams running down the mountain." Mount Badass is north of the Forest of Awesome. The Cool River is a room. "Looks like that stream from the forest turned into a pretty cool river, dude. There's a small lake here and a smaller bridge passing over part of the river." The Cool River is east of the Forest of Awesome. The Crazy Hut is a room. "Wow, there's like this crazy hut thing that you're in. It's all dark and damp and there's some dude standing there inside the hut, sitting down in a chair. There's some crappy old furniture and a bunch of books and boxes lying around." The Crazy Hut is below the Cool River. The Sweet Chapel is a room. "You're surrounded by a bunch of statues of religious figures." The Sweet Chapel is west of the Rad Town. The Bitchin Inn is a room. "You walk into the inn and see a large table in the middle surrounded by a few chairs. There's a counter and a man standing behind it." The Bitchin Inn is south of Rad Town. The Hawt Smithy is a room. "The smithy is filled with lots of hot stuff, like sweaty men lounging around inside a sauna." The Hawt Smithy is east of Rad Town. Chapter 2 - NPCs The player is in Rad Town. Dingus Deebag is a person. The description of Dingus Deebag is "Look, it's Dingus Deebag. He's acting all important, but looks really stupid. What a d-bag.[line break]It looks like he's got a serious interest in lifting weights, a dumb haircut, some protective eyewear, and golden jewelry." Dingus Deebag is in Mount Badass. Understand "dingus" or "deebag" or "dbag" or "d-bag" as Dingus Deebag. Mayor Oldman is a person. The printed name of Mayor Oldman is "an old man". Understand "an old man" or "old man" or "oldman" or "man" as Mayor Oldman. The description of Mayor Oldman is "This guy looks really freakin old. He's got a pretty sweet robe on, though." Mayor Oldman is in Rad Town. Bishop Rhokkin is a person. The description of Bishop Rhokkin is "You see Bishop Rhokkin here. Nice bishop hat, bro." Bishop Rhokkin is in the Sweet Chapel. Innkeeper Dungo is a person. The description of Innkeeper Dungo is "This inkeeper looks a bit dirty, almost like he hasn't taken a bath in his whole life." Innkeeper Dungo is in the Bitchin Inn. Blacksmith Tarf is a person. The description of Blacksmith Tarf is "This blacksmith guy is covered in grime and soot from all the blacksmithing he's likely been privvy to." Blacksmith Tarf is in the Hawt Smithy. A monster is a kind of person. The swamp monster is a monster. "A hulking swamp monster covered in weeds and strands of dripping stuff approaches you. 'Whoa, don't hit me bro!'" The swamp monster is in the Forest of Awesome. Understand "monster" or "swampy" or "swampmonster" or "swampmon" as the swamp monster. Chapter 3 - Story Section 1 - Presets Swordening is a scene. Swordening begins when play begins. The carrying capacity of the player is 10. The maximum score is 100. [loincloth] The player wears a loincloth. The description of the loincloth is "A standard white barbarian hero's loincloth, aged with the experience of your various unsung (but undoubtedly awesome) adventures. It carries with it a strong odor of adventure and the... 'markings' of battle." The scraps of loincloth are a thing. Understand "cloth" or "underwear" or "panties" as loincloth. Understand "cloth" or "underwear" or "panties" as the scraps of loincloth. Instead of eating the loincloth for the first time: say "But then you wouldn't have any sort of armoring with which to cradle your vital areas. You'd leave yourself open for critial hits and maximum damage, and all that jazz. And that wouldn't be cool, bro. Not at all."; Instead of eating the loincloth: say "Seriously, don't eat that. It's nasty."; Instead of eating the loincloth for the third time: say "Alright, fine. You eat the loincloth, you sick bastard."; remove loincloth from play.; now the player carries the scraps of loincloth.; Instead of eating the scraps of loincloth: say "You already ate that. You can't go eating multiple loincloths in one game. Beside, you're feeling full, and that was every bit as nasty as it was described to be."; [waterskin] The player carries a waterskin. The description of the waterskin is "A plain brown waterskin, filled with a bit of indistinguishable river water from a random river somewhere." Understand "water" or "drink" or "skin" or "canteen" or "flask" as the waterskin. The waterskin can be holywater, lava, full, half full, or empty. The waterskin is full. Instead of eating the waterskin: say "You'd rather not do that. You've tried it before and only ended up disappointed in the flavor of the cured leather. You can drink it, empty it, or fill it."; Instead of drinking the waterskin when the waterskin is empty: say "The waterskin is empty."; Instead of drinking the waterskin: if the waterskin is half full: now the waterskin is empty; say "You embibe a large gulp of whatever-it-is from the waterskin."; say "No more water in there now."; stop the action.; if the waterskin is full: now the waterskin is half full; say "You embibe a large gulp of whatever-it-is from the waterskin."; say "Only half-full now."; stop the action.; otherwise: say "Are you ceral? You can't drink that."; Emptying is an action applying to one thing. Understand "empty [something]" or "drain [something]" or "dump [something]" as emptying. Instead of emptying something: say "You can't empty that."; Instead of emptying the waterskin: say "You dump whatever-it-was out of the waterskin onto the ground."; now the waterskin is empty.; Filling is an action applying to one thing. Understand "fill [something]" as filling. Instead of filling something: say "You can't fill that."; Instead of filling the waterskin: if the well is visible: say "The waterskin is now full of what's-it."; now the waterskin is full.; stop the action.; if the holy water is visible: say "The waterskin is now full of holy water."; now the waterskin is holywater.; stop the action.; otherwise: say "You can't see any liquid to put in your waterskin. Bummer."; Instead of eating the waterskin: say "You chew on the leathery pouch for a minute until remembering that it's inedible."; Section 2 - Items [rusty sword] The rusty sword is a thing. The description of the rusty sword is "A really old sword that's been handed down through the past generations of your family. Rusty but trusty!". The player holds the rusty sword. [corpse] The corpse is a thing with printed name "swamp monster (corpse)". Instead of attacking the swamp monster: If the player carries the rusty sword: say "You thrust your mighty sword into the swamp monster's face."; remove the swamp monster from play.; now the corpse is in the Forest of Awesome.; now the jewel is in the Forest of Awesome.; otherwise: say "No way bro. You don't even have a rusty sword-like object on your person."; [magic sword] The magic sword is a thing. The description of the magic sword is "A badass magical sword, bro. It's all glowing and stuff, with righteousness and might.". Instead of attacking Dingus for the first time: if the player carries the magic sword: say "You run towards Dingus with sword in hand, and with a mighty leap and a swing of your steel, you cleave his stupid face in twain. Righteous, brah."; now the Helm of Awesome +5 is in Mount Badass.; otherwise: say "As Dingus sees you approach, he flicks his wrist and hurls a fireball in your general direction. You jump back and barely avoid being burnt to a crisp. 'Try that again, dude, and you'll be toast,' Dingus yawns, 'Hmm, I'm kind of hungry now- you got any butter, brah?'"; Instead of attacking Dingus: if the player carries the magic sword: say "You run towards Dingus with sword in hand, and with a mighty leap and a swing of your steel, you cleave his stupid face in twain. Righteous, brah."; now the Helm of Awesome +5 is in Mount Badass.; otherwise: say "You get a fireball to the face and eat it. Well, not literally, but you do get singed and just barely jump out of the way."; [jewel] The jewel is a thing. The jewel can be dirty or clean. The jewel is dirty. The description of the jewel is "Encrusted in some left-over entrails and dirt, it looks pretty shiny underneath, but you wouldn't know what to do with it. Maybe you should ask someone."; Instead of giving the jewel to Rhokkin: if the player carries the jewel: if the jewel is dirty: say "Where did you find this? This was the jewel of our patron goddess until Dingus stole it from us. I will give it to you as a reward for your awesomeness. Here. Let me bless it with the prayer of radness."; now the jewel is clean.; otherwise: say "You already gave the jewel to me, doofus."; otherwise: say "What jewel?"; Instead of giving the jewel to Tarf: if the player carries the jewel: if the jewel is clean: say "Schweet deal, bro!"; remove the jewel from play.; remove the rusty sword from play.; now the player is carrying the magic sword.; otherwise: say "I can't work with that crap. Bring it back to me when it's clean, yo."; otherwise: say "What jewel?"; [glaive] The glaive is a thing. The description of the glaive is "A legendary, metal-like weapon with 5 protruding sides, like a curved star of some sort.[line break]It looks like there's an inscription on the center shaft thing." The inscription is a thing. The inscription is part of the glaive. The description of the inscription is "Enscribed on the back of the glaive is 'Copyright Glaiva Glaive Industries, LLC 1984. Made in China.'" Understand "center" or "shaft" or "thing" as the inscription. Glaiving is an action applying to one visible thing. Understand "throw glaive at [something]" as glaiving. Instead of glaiving something: if the player carries the glaive: say "You can't glaive that."; otherwise: say "Dude, you don't have the glaive yet, stop meta-gaming."; Instead of glaiving Bishop Rhokkin: if the player carries the glaive: say "Dude...no. Just no."; otherwise: say "Dude...no, you don't even have the glaive yet. Go get it."; Instead of glaiving Dingus Deebag: If the player carries the glaive: say "You grab the glaive and thrust it with all your manliness toward Dingus Deebag's stupid, ugly face."; remove Dingus Deebag from play.; now the Helm of Awesome +5 is in Mount Badass.; otherwise: say "No way bro. You're not carrying a glaive, or even a glaive-like item."; [helm] The Helm of Awesome +5 is a thing. The Helm of Awesome +5 is wearable. The description of the Helm of Awesome +5 is "Damn, that's an awesome helm!" Instead of taking the Helm of Awesome +5: say "You pick up the helm and feel mighty beyond mere words, but more in terms of manly grunts and gestures."; end the story finally.; [well] The well is a thing. The well is not portable. The well is in Rad Town. [holy water] The holy water is a thing. The holy water is not portable. Instead of attacking yourself: say "You punch yourself in the head a few times, slowly tiring of self-inflicted task."; [crazy box] The crazy box is a locked, openable, container. The carrying capacity of the crazy box is 1. The description of the crazy box is "You give the box a light shake and can hear a small, solid object roll around in it." Instead of giving the crazy box to Rhokkin: say "You hand over the box to Rhokkin. He looks it over and goes in the back room. About 5 minutes later, he comes out and returns the box to you, opened. 'Here you are my dude-child.'"; now the crazy box is unlocked.; [dirty egg] The dirty egg is a thing. The description of the dirty egg is "A strange looking egg, caked in dirt." The dirty egg is in the crazy box. [oldman's robe] Mayor Oldman wears a robe. The description of the robe is "An old, burgandy robe, bleached and washed out from the years of use. It was probably deep red at one time, maybe hundreds of years ago, you can't tell how old it could be based on the age of the fossil-man wearing it." Instead of examining the robe for the first time: if the printed name of Mayor Oldman is "an old man": say "The old dude gives you the stink eye and then starts coughing. After his fit of nasty hacking and wheezing subsides, he speaks, 'Greetings young adventurer. Welcome to my fair town of Olstead. I am Mayor Oldman.[line break]Please have a look around. There's not much to do here, but some of the townsfolk may need some assistance. I wish you well in your quest to defeat the evil Dingus Deebag. Godessspeed.'"; now the printed name of Mayor Oldman is "Mayor Oldman".; otherwise: continue the action.; Section 3 - Conversation Talking to is an action applying to one thing. Understand "talk to [someone]" as talking to. Instead of talking to someone: say "Bro, there's no one here to talk to."; Understand the command "say" as something new. Understand "say [text] to [someone]" as asking it about (with nouns reversed). Instead of asking someone about "sup": say "Brah. Sup!"; [Sup, brah!] Understand the command "sup" as something new. Supping is an action applying to nothing. Understand "sup" as supping. Understand "sup brah" as supping. Understand "sup bro" as supping. Understand "what's up" as supping. Understand "what's up bro" as supping. Understand "sup *" as supping. Instead of supping: say "Brah. Sup!"; Instead of supping in the presence of Rhokkin: say "Rhokkin: Sup, my broseph!"; Instead of supping in the presence of Dingus: say "Dingus: Bruh, sup.... Now get back to fighting me."; Instead of supping in the presence of Dungo: say "Dungo: What's up dude?"; Instead of supping in the presence of Oldman: say "Oldman: Hail, whippersnapper. *cough hack*"; Instead of supping in the presence of Tarf: say "Tarf: Yee boyee. Whazzup?"; Instead of supping in the presence of the swamp monster: say "Swampy B. McGee: Yo, bro."; [Oldman] Instead of talking to Mayor Oldman: say "Helloo!"; Instead of asking Mayor Oldman about something for the first time: if the printed name of Mayor Oldman is "an old man": say "The old dude gives you the stink eye and then starts coughing. After his fit of nasty hacking and wheezing subsides, he speaks, 'Greetings young adventurer. Welcome to my fair town of Olstead. I am Mayor Oldman.[line break]Please have a look around. There's not much to do here, but some of the townsfolk may need some assistance. I wish you well in your quest to defeat the evil Dingus Deebag. Godessspeed.'"; now the printed name of Mayor Oldman is "Mayor Oldman".; otherwise: continue the action.; Instead of asking Oldman about "dingus": say "That rascal will be the end of our fine town."; [Tarf] Instead of talking to Tarf: say "'Hi there. Haven't seen you in these parts. You an adventurer? Name's Tarf. I'm the town smith. Deal in all sorts of arms and armor. Unfortunately, recently there ain't been much raw material for me to smelt and make into things. You happen to come across any, you let me know and I'll give you a good price for them.'" Instead of asking Tarf about "hello/hi": say "'Hello.'"; Instead of asking Tarf about "glaive/graive": say "Tarf stops hammering mid-strike and looks up at you, 'Where'd you hear about that? Ah, well, no matter. It's said to be a fine weapon, but I wouldn't know anything about that.' He scratches his beard, 'I wouldn't trust a weapon I didn't make with these hands.'"; Instead of asking Tarf about something: say "He doesn't seem to understand what you're talking about."; [Rhokkin] Instead of asking Rhokkin about "dingus/deebag/dbag/d-bag/db": say "Rhokkin: Yeah, dude. He's such a d-bag."; Instead of asking Rhokkin about "glaive/graive/weapon": say "It's rumored that there is a legendary weapon called the glaive, hiding somewhere nearby. Perhaps in the forest, or the river. I have no idea. You should ask innkeeper Dungo or mayor Rasput about that."; Instead of asking Rhokkin about "sup": say "Broseph. Sup!"; [Dungo] Instead of asking Dungo about "dingus/deebag/dbag/d-bag/db": say "Dungo: Yeah, dude. He's such a d-bag."; Instead of asking Dungo about "glaive/weapon": say "It's rumored that there is a legendary weapon called the glaive, hiding somewhere nearby. Perhaps in the forest, or the river. Maybe Mayor Oldman knows something about that."; Instead of asking Dungo about "helm of awesome/helmet of awesome/helmet/helm": say "You think you can see Dungo's eyes light up, 'Oh yeah, the Helm of Awesome +5, eh? You're out to get that? Well, some say that Dingus has it. Me, I'm not not so sure. I don't know how Dingus would get it in the first place.'"; Instead of asking Dungo about "hat": say "Dungo looks at you strangely for a second, 'Oh, you mean the Helm of Awesome +5?'"; Instead of asking Dungo about "dung/poop/poo/dookey": say "Poop? Why I haven't the slightest idea of what you're talking about."; Instead of asking Dungo about "clean/cleanliness": say "Oh yes, my wife cleans the rooms every day. She's very thourough. Her name? Poopina."; Instead of asking Dungo about "name/dungo/real name": say "My name? Well my original name was William von Heatherbloom III. Doesn't have the same ring to it as Dungo does, eh?"; Instead of asking Dungo about "bed/beds/sleep/inn": say "Our beds are very soft, kind sir. You won't be disappointed."; Instead of asking Dungo about "dung go/squish": say "Yeah yeah. I've heard it before. Now rent a room or get out."; Instead of asking Dungo about something: say "Dungo: ...what?"; [Dingus] Instead of talking to Dingus: say "Dingus: Are you serious right now brah? Fight me!'"; Instead of asking Dingus about "butter": say "Dingus: It was just a joke, bro."; Instead of asking Dingus about something for the first time: say "Dingus: You're totally cramping my style, bro. Be gone."; Instead of asking Dingus about something: say "Dingus glares and scowls at you from atop his post, but doesn't pay any particular attention to your presence."; Instead of eating Dingus: say "He doesn't look that appetizing."; Section 7 - Guild The Guild of Arboris is a room. "You enter a massive hall and see a bunch of weird equipment and stuff laying around, training equipment or something." The Guild of Arboris is west of the Forest of Awesome. Sadis Zangris is in the Guild of Arboris. Guild Rank is a number that varies. Guild Rank is 0. The piece of paper is an thing. The piece of paper can be blank or signed. The piece of paper is blank. Instead of talking to Zangris for the first time: say "The man looks at you and takes a deep breath, 'Hey! You want to join my guild? Here, fill out this form.' He hands you a piece of paper."; now the player carries the piece of paper.; Instead of examining the piece of paper: say "You scrawl your name on the bottom next to the X."; now the piece of paper is signed.; Instead of talking to Zangris: if the player carries the piece of paper: if the piece of paper is signed: say "He takes the papers from you, 'Thanks!' He looks them over for a minute and then says 'Welcome to the Guild!'"; remove the piece of paper from play.; now Guild Rank is 1.; otherwise: say "Zangris looks confused, 'You sure you don't want to join? Take another look at the form.'"; otherwise: if Guild Rank is 0: say "Zangris asks, 'Hey, where's the form?'"; if Guild Rank is 1: say "'So now that you're a part of the guild. You need to complete a quest for me and then I'll raise your rank.'"; say "'Ask me about the quest, and I'll give you something to do to increase your guild rank.'"; Instead of asking Zangris about "quest" for the first time: if Guild Rank is 0: say "'Dude, you haven't even joined yet. Join our guild first, yo.'"; if Guild Rank is 1: say "Zangris looks over his desk, rifling through a pile of papers and then pulling one out and blowing dust off of it. He says, 'Ah yes, the missing ring. So Bishop Rhokkin misplaced an old ring, it was an heirloom and means a lot to him. If you can find it, we'll give you your first stipend, and raise your rank. Then you'll be able to pick from some other quests.' He shoos you away and resumes rifling through papers like a madman. === NOTE: This quest is not completable. ==="; Instead of asking Zangris about "quest": if Guild Rank is 0: say "'You're just messing with me now.'"; if Guild Rank is 1: say "'Didn't I just explain myself to you? Go find Rhokkin's ring.'"; Section 8 - Other Universal xyzzy is an action applying to nothing. Understand "xyzzy" as universal xyzzy. Carry out universal xyzzy: say "http://www.mattantonellis.com/" When play ends: if the story has ended: say "Game Over, bro. Try not to fail so hard next time, mmk?"; if the story has ended finally: say "Game Over, bro! You did it! You defeated that jerkface, Dingus Deebag, and his jerkish face. You found the fabled Helm of Awesome +5, and you're one step closer to being the most awesome dude in the known world."; Rule for amusing a victorious player: say "Hmm. So you're looking for something more then? [line break] Well, it's been a while since I last updated. Almost 8 years, wow! [line break] Sadly, there aren't really plans for another game now... However, I am planning on adding a few more things [line break] I've been working on a lot of other things since, [line break] like Alexa game skills, some other game jams, and getting back into IF. [line break] As always, check out my page for more stuff. [line break] I'm also on the Narrative Games and IF Discord channels.[line break]"; if the player has not been in the Crazy Hut: say "Did you meet that crazy dude that lives under the bridge?[line break]"; if the player is not carrying the dirty egg: say "Did you find the easter egg? It doesn't look like you have it in your inventory. I don't think it really does anything (yet). It just kind of sits in your inventory. Maybe you'll be able to eat it, or even cook it in future versions. Hmm."; Section 9 - Achievements [ Table of Challenges Points Title Time 1 "Tile Mover" a time 2 "Chain Smoke" 3 "I Once Killed a Man" To record (T - text) as achieved: choose row with a title of T in the Table of Challenges; if there is no time entry: now time entry is the time of day; increase the score by the points entry. Understand "full score" or "fullscore" as requesting the full score. Requesting the full score is an action out of world. Carry out requesting the full score: if the score is 0, say "You have achieved nothing much." instead; repeat through the Table of Challenges in reverse time order: say "Challenges:[line break] [title entry] ([points entry]p) - [time entry]"; Universal challenges is an action applying to nothing. Understand "challenges" or "achievements" as universal challenges. Carry out universal challenges: say "There are X challenges. You have achieved Y of them.[line break] Challenge 1 - do something[line break] Challenge 2 - do something[line break] Challenge 3 - do something"; ] Section 10 - Open sesame - Not for release Universal opening is an action applying to nothing. Understand "open sesame" as universal opening. Carry out universal opening: now all doors are open. Report universal opening: say "Open Sesame!" Universal closing is an action applying to nothing. Understand "close sesame" as universal closing. Carry out universal closing: now all doors are closed. Report universal closing: say "Close Sesame!"